Sunday, February 13, 2011

Goats, Cops and Amway, oh my!

The follow accounts are true, to the best of my recollection and knowledge. It is further proof that our family is some sort of magnet for stuff that just never happens to anyone else.

Friday night, D and I were going out for Valentine's Day. It was my turn to pick the restaurant. D had never had Indian food, so it was the perfect chance to take him to a local favorite of mine.

D opened the menu and scanned it quickly.

"Why isn't there any beef?"

I gave him that "you're kidding, right?" look. He wasn't kidding. It took him a moment of me staring at him before he realized Indians don't eat beef. The cow is sacred. It was going to be a looong night!

I love Indian food. It's one of my absolute favorites. I couldn't decide exactly what to get, so I settled on the Thali. This isn't a review of the restaurant, so I'll spare you all the delicious details.

D opted to play it "safe" by ordering a tandoori sizzler platter of "assorted meats." It's basically delicious meats cooked in a clay oven. It comes out popping and sizzling. Very spicy.

D was eating something and couldn't place what meat it was. He was able to identify the chicken, shrimp, fish, lamb...and something else. We flagged over the waiter and asked him. He barely spoke English and got the owner.

"What meat is this?"

It's Chicken?

The pause was far too long for someone who's run a restaurant in our city for the last three years. And the inflection on the word chicken suggested the conversation in his head went more like this:

"What meat is this?"

It's Chicken?

A quick scan of the menu showed there was spiced goat available. Having eaten everything from squid to alligator and just about everything in between, D and I can both say with quite certainty, it was NOT chicken. Pretty sure it was goat. And if it was goat, it's pretty tasty.

So...after possibly being hoodwinked into eating goat (and y'all know my hate/hate relationship with goats) what else could possibly have happened? I only wish I would have been there to witness this one...but instead I get to relay the story D told me.

Saturday morning, he was running late for a meeting. He drove up to the gas station to see two officers handcuffing someone and placing him in the back of the squad car. One cop looked at D and kept staring. D was dressed in a white shirt, tie and slacks...on a Saturday.

He came out with the breakfast of champions: An energy drink and donuts.

One of the cops called to him: "Hey, you!"

Thoroughly confused, D went over to the officer, trying to figure out what he might have done to get the officer's attention. Keep in mind, they still have someone in cuffs in the back of the car.

"You like them energy drinks? Whatcha got there, is that a Red Bull?"

D, still completely confused, answered that he was drinking a Red Bull today.

"How'd you like it if I could get you an energy drink with less sugar that would keep you going longer without having that crash at the end?"

What? I can just picture D standing there, trying to figure out exactly what to say when the officer followed up with this...

"I sell Amway, and we have this great energy drink. Here's a sample for you. And here's my number if you want to order more"

You just can't make stuff like this up...


  1. OH my goodness.

    Let's see. How'd he manage to go so long without Indian food? Tsk tsk. Anyway, goat's pretty good. It tends to be somewhat chewy, unless it's been cooked in moist heat for a long time, in which case it's rich and succulent.

    I could go for a vindaloo right now, maybe I could breathe after.

    That Amway cop. NOT smooth. Somebody needs to talk to his upline. Not to mention that we were always taught not to mention the A word because it scares people away.

  2. WHOOPS, this is Sandy on Gary's pc. You get the idea.

  3. Amway is a scam:


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